2020 Reflections

Another year is almost over and with all things considered, 2020 has been the fastest and simultaneously the slowest year of my life. You too?

It’s a strange feeling when I think about the fact that it’s almost 2021.

In most ways it feels like yesterday the pandemic began, the world stopped, and everyday felt like another unknown. In other ways it feels like yesterday, everything was moving in slow motion and I was going nowhere.

And here we are… 2021 just around the corner.

Here is what I am carrying into the new year with me that this year has so vividly reminded me of: I am not in control, but I serve and love the God who is in complete control.

Which means that whatever this new year brings, it was designed for my good and His glory. That is so much better than having the ability to control my life.

And since we are here, let’s talk about some other reflections from 2020:

Since moving to Canada, my desire to live here or the US has been ever changing. I get comfortable where we are, my business has been built here, and my husband and I have created a little life for ourselves and yet I am missing one of the most important pieces of my life- my family.

With the pandemic, the distance between us has become more real. The 3.5-hour drive has been made impossible. It is no longer a “weekend trip”, it is a 3-week trip with the inability to work. Which, in the service business, just doesn’t make the cut.

The emotions of where we will end up living has been up and down, up and down.

How can you love and hate where you are all at the same time?

And yet, I am reminded of another truth: this is not my home! Canada isn’t my home, the United States isn’t my home, Cranbrook nor Spokane are my home…

Heaven is my home and I long for the day I get to meet Jesus face to face in my eternal home of glory. Where no more sadness exists. Where no more separation and control exist. Only freedom and glory and joy and peace.

That is what I long for.

At the very same time, I am learning that my purpose on earth isn’t complete until the day God chooses to take me home.

This means that I have more to do here and now. I can long for heaven, but my duty is on earth.

So inevitably, I have reflected a lot on my purpose here…What does it look like?

Loving others. Serving others. Sharing truth with others. Honoring those who are in authority over me here. Respecting those I love and care about. Being faithful to and loving my duties as a wife.

These things make an impact.

So, I need to choose these every day and lay aside self-pity and drowning in the sorrows of disappointments that seem to be ever arising these days.

All in all, I truly am so thankful for a year like this one. It reminds us of our inability to govern our own lives and reminds us of our need for a Savior that loves us, cares for us, and wants to fulfill us.

My goal for 2021 is to walk into it with my hands wide open, ready for whatever is to come. Because I am convinced that whether life or death, nothing can separate me from the love of God.

And I know that it is in my weakest moments that I grow.

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